5 Yoga Poses For Period Cramp Relief (Without Leaving Your Bed)

If you’re someone who dreads the monthly battle with your own reproductive system, you’ve probably heard all about the benefits of doing yoga to sooth menstrual cramps.

It probably goes something like this:

While you’re a disheveled ball of PMS rolling around in bed trying to find the will to put pants on, you vaguely remember that Becky from marketing does Bikram Yoga religiously.

Becky claims to have been Cramp-Free for the last three years.

Becky doesn’t remember what PMS feels like.

Becky never gets hormonal acne.

Becky never has a soul-crushing desire for Nutella and baked ziti at 10 o’clock in the morning.

Becky runs five miles before breakfast and opts for a Greek yogurt and beet juice, instead.

BECKY IS NOT HUMAN.

You, on the other hand, do not understand why sweatpants and that old band T-shirt from High School aren’t considered appropriate attire for Monday Morning Meetings when your insides have been getting medieval on you since puberty and will continue to do so every 28 days for the next 20-something years.

It’s a naturally occurring phenomena for precisely half of the population.

Hundreds of millions of women spend of fourth of every month shedding their own internal organs while trying to function as though nothing is out of the ordinary.

WHY ARE MONTHLY AUNT FLO STAYCATIONS NOT A LEGAL REQUIREMENT YET?!?

I digress.

Back to you in a fetal position, counting the minutes before dragging yourself away from the warmth and comfort of your own bed while Becky’s chipper voice in your head tells you that you need to get your life together and do yoga for 90 minutes before going to sleep tonight.

In the meantime, try these five simple, non-sweat inducing yoga poses before you even get out of bed (pants not required):

1.     Child’s Pose – Back, Hips, Groin, Abdomen

While still in bed, preferably under the covers, slowly shift on to your hands and knees.

Grab a big fluffy pillow. Double up if you have to.

Place the pillow(s) under the torso and slowly begin to lower the hips down towards the feet.

Knees spread wide. Hips sink down. Upper body melts down into the pillows.

Arms can stretch forward in front of you or relaxed by the sides.

Deep belly breaths.

Stay as long as you want.

2.     Supported Half-Frog Pose – Back, Groin, Thighs

From Child’s Pose, straighten the left leg back behind you.

Keep the right leg bent out to the side, ankle right behind the knee.

Lay on your belly.

Pillows can stay under your torso.

Extra Goodness:

Get a delicious thigh stretch by bending the left leg and grabbing on to the left foot.

Press the hips down as you gently pull the left foot in towards your seat.

Rinse and repeat on the other side.

3.     Pigeon Pose – Low Back, Hips, Groin

From Child’s pose, set your pillows aside.

Come forward on to your knees.

Keeping your right knee where it is, bring your right foot in towards the left ankle.

Shift your weight back on to the right leg as you straighten your left leg back behind you.

Sink down in to the mattress as you slightly draw the right leg back in space.

Fold forward, pillow(s) optional.

Deep breaths.

Soft shoulders.

Slack jaw.

Stay as long as you want.

Rinse and repeat on the other side.

4.     Reclined Goddess Pose – Hips, Groin, Abdomen

Slowly lay down on your back.

Bring the soles of the feet together.

Pillows under each leg is optional.

Let the weight of your blankets gently sink your knees down towards the mattress.

Rub your hands together to create heat, and place them at the base of your belly.

Breathe deeply.

Let gravity do the rest of the work.

Stay as long as you like. 

5.     Seated Forward Fold – Neck, Back, Hamstrings

From Reclined Goddess Pose, bring the knees together and hug them in to the chest.

Release the knees to roll over on to your right side in a fetal posture.

Slowly press yourself up to sit, bringing the legs forward in front of you.

Keep a slight bend in the knees.

Sit up tall, flex both feet, and begin fold forward.

Let the head relax down.

Stay for a few breaths.

Bonus: Snuggle a pillow or your cat while you’re at it.

Taking your time, slowly sit up, swing your legs over the side of the bed, get up, put pants on, and show the rest of the day who’s boss!

You can always drag your cranky, crampy, carb craving PMS butt to yoga class tomorrow when you’re feeling slightly more human and slightly less medieval torture victim.

Yoga is not about being bendy.

"It's about showing up to your mat consistently, not knowing what is going to happen and being okay with that.

It's about rehabilitating yourself and not believing the "experts" when they say you're too injured or too old.

It's about believing you can do anything even if it's the scariest, most impossible thing you could ever dream of.

It's about uncovering who you really are.

It's about being kind to yourself so that you can then be kind to others.

Yoga is about discovering that most of the crazy thoughts in your head are not true.

It's about being healthy without pushing yourself to your limit.

It's about slowing down to be strong.

It's about breathing and moving and smiling on the inside."

- Random Pinterest Meme